The GOP says:  “Pornography makes you gay.”  Thanks to Leftake.com for posting the video from a GOP conference that exposes this horrible epidemic of gay contamination.  Here is the full video from the Rachel Maddow Show with an introductory (and possibly racist) joke from Republican Roy Blunt from Missouri.  The segment concerning porn begins at about the 2:15 mark.

Of course, this completely logical and scientific claim by the GOP (about pornography turning straight men into homosexuals) made us wonder about the sexual orientation of Republicans past and present. As a result of exhaustive research, this entry is the first of a series of investigative, historical reporting of great men who may have been hiding in great big closets. We report, you decide.

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, presided over the Union’s Civil War victory and loosed the shackles from the slaves. He was a Republican and undisputedly a great man and commander in chief. However, what you don’t know about Lincoln may shock you; in fact, it may transform you into a believer that pornography metamorphoses a God-fearing, red-blooded American hero into a foppish and unnatural gay who lets his own wife beat him.

LINCOLN DID NOT JOIN A CHURCH, WAS
AN INTELLECTUAL AND AN AVID READER.
These appear to be all the hallmarks of
today’s Hollywood homosexual liberal.

LINCOLN AVOIDED HUNTING AND FISHING
BECAUSE HE DID NOT ENJOY KILLING ANIMALS.
Sarah Palin evidently has more balls than Mr. Lincoln.
What kind of a man doesn’t enjoy blowing away a
deer with a rifle?  Could it be a gay man?

AS A YOUNG MAN, LINCOLN WAS CLOSE FRIENDS
 WITH A DRESS MAKER NAMED PHILLIP COXETER.
We all know that only the gays make dresses,
so why was Lincoln fraternizing with this Coxeter?
   

LINCOLN SUFFERED FROM MELANCHOLY AND INITIALLY
BROKE OFF HIS ENGAGEMENT TO MARY TODD LINCOLN.
This kind of indecisive and depressed behavior reminds us of
Morrissey from The Smiths. Oh sure, Lincoln got married
ultimately and even had children, but so did Larry Craig.

MARY TODD LINCOLN SMOKED A PIPE, WENT ON LAVISH
SPENDING SPREES, WAS WILDLY JEALOUS AND
ILL-TEMPERED, AND PHYSICALLY ABUSED LINCOLN.
Red flags abound. This is from an actual bio of Mrs. Lincoln: “She may
have also been physically abusive toward her husband as once he
showed up in court with bruises and a black eye.”  Is it possible that
Mary Todd Lincoln was The First Beard of the White House?

LINCOLN WAS ORIGINALLY IN THE “WHIG” PARTY. AND
HE WAS THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO USE HAIR PRODUCTS.
Whigs were obviously gay as no heterosexual men wore wigs. Ever.
And Lincoln was the first Prez to sport Dodge Brothers Melanine Hair Tonic.
   


LINCOLN LOVED THE THEATRE.
Need we say more?  Hello?

LINCOLN HAD A VAST COLLECTION
OF FRENCH NUDE DAGUERREOTYPES.
Nude Daguerreotypes were THE PORN of the day, and, if they
were FRENCH, then you knew they were the real nasty stuff.
We understand that Lincoln had a fetish for fat bottom girls.
These were some images from his vast collection.
   

IF THERE WERE ANY DOUBT THAT PORNOGRAPHY MAKES
YOU GAY, HERE IS A PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPH OF
LINCOLN AFTER HE VIEWED HIS DAGUERREOTYPES.